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  He had become a complete stranger to his own family.

  At the time Aaron’s world had changed, Allen had been fourteen and Anthony only ten. Aaron knew that, while he was still recovering in intensive care, his parents had sat his brothers down and explained as much as they could to them, given their young ages. Allen understood for the most part, but they had tried to shield Anthony from some of the horrific truths. Unfortunately, Aaron couldn’t hide all his scars, so eventually Anthony was faced point-blank with the brutality that had been visited upon his hero. When Aaron first came home from the hospital, the younger Downing boys hadn’t understood that their older brother, the one they had played catch with, the one who had taken them to the movies and the arcade, was a different person. He wasn’t fun. He wasn’t outgoing. He was frightening and screamed in his sleep every night, terrifying them to the point that they started to sleep in the rapidly finished basement. Aaron had offered, halfheartedly to move to the basement, but the cement walls and the cold concrete floor reminded him of the place where the men had taken him. He couldn’t even make it down the steps. Thankfully, his parents wanted him close so they could help him.

  It wasn’t too long before they had started to sedate him, anyway.

  His mother was already nearby at the stove, finishing up their eggs, by the time Aaron came out of his thoughts. Since he was always so quiet, neither his parents nor his brothers had noticed that he hadn’t been paying attention to anything around him for the last fifteen minutes. Of course, Aaron had done it frequently: completely shut down his attention to the outside world. These periods of complete dissociation from everything scared him. He was terrified that one day he’d get trapped in his own head and never find his way back out again.

  His head was a fucking scary place to be.

  Michelle Downing took the plates of eggs, bacon, and toast to her husband and younger sons at the table. Aaron hadn’t really even noticed that she’d been standing next to him cooking. He looked away from her stressed features and the premature gray in her hair, all caused by him. Her petite frame was where Aaron got his small stature, but that was one of the few similarities between Michelle and her eldest son. Where Aaron had inherited his father’s black hair, as had Anthony, Allen and his mother had chestnut curls. Aaron was the only child to get his father’s blue eyes. His brothers both had his mother’s soft brown eyes.

  They had once been a typical close American family, John worked while his wife stayed home to raise their boys. Now their younger sons were left pretty much on their own while their mother struggled to care for their damaged older brother. They no longer went on vacation because Aaron didn’t deal well with change. They rarely went out to dinner because Aaron didn’t deal well with groups of people. They took turns going to Anthony’s soccer games or Allen’s wrestling matches because they didn’t want to leave Aaron alone.

  It was as if they were all merely surviving, in the dark with no light on the horizon.

  Aaron watched his family talking quietly as they ate around the table, and felt a stabbing pain of loneliness. They were the happy family, and he was just the freak that lived upstairs. Physically, everything in the house was the same, from the apple accessories in the kitchen to the big-screen television in the family room where they used to watch baseball together. He was different. There wasn’t a place for him anymore, even though his chair sat empty at the table waiting for him. Without another word, he set the unpeeled banana back on the counter and walked past the table where his family sat glancing at him with surreptitious looks. Opening the sliding glass door directly behind his father at the head of the table, he walked out onto their huge deck and closed the door behind him. It felt better out here, less suffocating, with fewer expectations. He sat down on one of the patio chairs, looked over their small, well-maintained yard, and thought about how much he hated days like this, days where he just couldn’t turn off his mind.

  He squinted into the morning sun as his mother joined him on the deck. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that she was wearing an oversized gray sweatshirt that probably belonged to his dad. She handed him an instant breakfast drink. He took it, opened the top, and sucked it down in one long drink. Mr. Handley next door stepped out onto his own deck as Aaron handed his mother the empty container. Aaron could feel the old man’s eyes on him across the fence and wondered if he could hear Aaron screaming in the night. He heard his mother’s quiet sigh as she reached down to smooth back a wayward piece of his hair, and he jerked away violently. He hated the fact that he couldn’t even stand to be touched by his own mother. With a visible effort, she forced the hurt from her face as he looked up, but then turned and walked back into the house without another word.

  Pulling his music player and the book from his pocket, he settled back on a nearby chaise, ignored his portly neighbor, and lost himself in someone else’s life.

  SPENCER THOMAS pulled the garbage can from beneath the sink and took inventory. Six empty Samuel Adams bottles and one Jack Daniel’s bottle. He knew that the Jack Daniel’s bottle had been mostly empty from the weekend binge, but it still didn’t make him feel any better. He needed to have a talk with his father. Since the good doctor let his practice go, the drinking had gotten worse. The nightmares had gotten worse. Their lives had gotten worse.

  With a sigh, he closed the cabinet door and left the alcohol graveyard in peace. It would be hours before his father emerged from the dark cave he called a bedroom, so Spencer ambled down the hall and into the rec room. He picked up his mother’s framed picture from his desk and looked at her face for the millionth time. Miranda Thomas died about three months before she was supposed to deliver her son, whom she left premature and in the hands of his father, Henry. Spencer had heard stories of his mother from his grandparents and from his aunt Nelle, but never from his father. No one had to tell Spencer he’d gotten his shaggy brown hair and introspective hazel eyes from her. Even his freckles and pale complexion were a gift passed down to keep his mother alive in him. From his father, he’d inherited a small chin, a button nose, and an ingrained lack of self-control. They made for an interesting combination.

  The phone in his pocket vibrated as he dropped into the plush leather chair in front of his desk. He pulled it out and checked the display.

  Doorbell

  The message might have seemed cryptic to anyone else, anyone that could hear and didn’t get a text message from the front door. After he jumped out of the chair, he retraced his steps and jogged back up the hall. Instead of turning right to head into the kitchen, he turned left at the end of the hallway toward the living room. A silhouette stood just beyond the door’s frosted glass. The rug slid under his bare feet as he skidded to a stop and turned the handle. A hot young delivery guy in shorts waited on the doorstep with a large box balanced on one arm. Spencer stared for a long moment at the man’s muscular frame, perfect skin, and impish grin before the movement of sweet lips broke him from his musings.

  “Spencer Thomas?” the guy asked, and Spencer found himself distracted by the sensual way his mouth curved around each letter as he spoke. A dark pink tongue flicked out to lick thin yet carnal lips—the edges of which turned up in a smile when Spencer nodded.

  “Well then, Mr. Thomas, I have a package for you,” he said brightly. Spencer took a long moment to deliberately look up and down the man’s toned body. A shock of black hair peeked out from under his awful royal blue baseball hat, which matched the rest of his bland uniform. Spencer saw that the name patch across his left pec read “Nick.” He dragged his eyes back up from the man’s crotch to see the interest brewing in steel gray eyes.

  Nick handed Spencer an electronic device and asked him to sign for the package. Like a bad porn flick, he licked his lips and watched as Spencer, who stood there in nothing but faded pajama pants and a smile, signed his name. Spencer handed the device back to the delivery guy, who then relinquished the package. Glancing at the return address, he saw it was from Dell—his new la
ptop for school. Excellent. Right then, however, he had a different toy in mind that he wanted to play with. The thin fabric stretched over his hardening cock. Spencer watched Nick’s face as he stared at the bulge with increasing fascination, the conflict apparent.

  He put the laptop down on the floor out of the doorway and stepped closer to the hot little delivery guy. Nick shifted the signature device to his left hand and used the right to scratch the back of his neck. Nervous, how sweet. Reaching out slowly, Spencer took the small machine from Nick and set it on top of the computer box. They were almost touching. Spencer hadn’t gotten laid in months. That kid in the school bathroom after finals seemed like ages ago, and he’d been intimate with his hand for far too long.

  “Is… is that my tip?” Nick asked. Bingo. Spencer took Nick’s hand and rubbed it against his swollen dick with a slow, easy nod. Nick added softly, “You’re a quiet one, aren’t you?” Spencer entwined his fingers with Nick’s and pulled, silently asking the other man to follow him. He knew from too much fucking experience that if he spoke, it would be over. Nick would think he was retarded and lose his hard-on. The sweet little delivery boy followed him down the hall to the spare bedroom without another word. He didn’t particularly want to fuck in the flowery, overly feminine room that his aunt used on her visits, but Spencer didn’t want to take the kid up to his room. He didn’t want to risk Dad waking up to ruin his fun. His father wouldn’t care about Spencer being sexually active, but it was hard to fuck wondering if your dad could hear. Grabbing a condom and the bottle of lube he kept hidden in the bathroom across the hall, he put them both on the lace-covered bedside table for Nick to see. That generally forestalled any awkward conversations about safe sex.

  Their mouths collided as they met in the middle of the room. Nick toed out of his shoes as Spencer felt him moan into the kiss. He flipped the hat off Nick’s head and ran a tender hand through the soft, messy locks suddenly freed from their prison. It felt like damp silk beneath his fingers. Spencer’s mouth melded over Nick’s as he unbuttoned his uniform shirt and let it slide down tanned, muscular arms to pool on the floor at their feet. He slid his fingers languidly along the back of his new lover’s neck with a leisurely stop at one tender shoulder. Nick broke the contact and trailed sweet kisses along Spencer’s jaw.

  A moan reverberated up from Spencer’s chest, scratching his throat as it escaped. Moving his hands between their overheated bodies, Spencer flicked open the button on Nick’s uniform shorts before dragging down the zipper. He could feel Nick’s erection pressing against the fabric, straining to be released, so he obliged. He slid his hand into the tight polyester shorts and then dug into the cotton briefs beneath as he felt Nick’s hot breath on his neck and his lips vibrate on Spencer’s neck.

  God, it felt good.

  The back of Spencer’s knees hit the bed and he pulled Nick on top of him. The billowy pink comforter surrounded them as they kissed with a passion bordering on aggression, and Nick ground his hips against Spencer’s in an ageless, graceless rhythm. Their heavy breaths mingled as he grabbed Nick’s ass, and his cock strained against his sleep pants. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, his impromptu lover slid the material out of the way and palmed Spencer’s dick. The old oak bed shifted as they moved, hard and hot against each other. With one particularly enthusiastic grind, the headboard smacked against the wall and jolted them. Spencer looked up above his head, always attuned to strange vibrations, but didn’t see any damage.

  Wrapping his arms tightly around Nick, Spencer rolled them and knelt between his lover’s knees. Strong legs came up around his hips, heels pushed into his ass to draw him closer. Oh yeah, the kid was a total bottom. Thank God. He hated having that conversation. As much as Spencer wanted to go slow, to cherish every shared moment, he didn’t let himself go there. He didn’t open that dark place in his heart where hope lived—hope that he could find someone who would still want him even though he was different.

  Another practiced moan, one with true want behind it, because grinding against Nick, eager, excited Nick, had his dick hard. The boy’s throat vibrated under Spencer’s lips. He pulled back and watched the heady arousal in his face.

  “Please…. Suck me,” Nick said. Shit. Did he say “suck me” or “fuck me”? He’d thrown his head back as he spoke, so Spencer couldn’t tell. But yeah, did it really matter? The meaning was pretty damn clear. He grabbed Nick’s uniform shorts and pulled them down over white ankle socks. Next, he jerked the briefs down those long muscled legs and slid a hand along Nick’s flank as he did so. The guy pulled his feet loose from the confining fabric and spread himself for Spencer’s approval.

  Spencer certainly approved.

  The uniform hid a fantastic body—sculpted arms, strong and thick from moving boxes for a living, a six-pack that made Spencer feel almost flabby in comparison, and a thick cock pointing his way home. He hooked his thumbs into the waistband of the faded green pajama pants and pulled them down over his ass as he leaned forward to suck Nick’s cock. The feel of it, the decadent weight on his tongue made Spencer throb. Carefully, he lifted first one knee and then the other to get the pants down to his feet before he kicked them off. Pushing Nick’s legs farther apart, he decided all that mattered in the moment was the hot guy spread out before him.

  He traced the ridges of the cock head with his tongue, as he stared at the tight abs in front of his eyes. Spencer never closed his eyes during sex, not once. He couldn’t afford that kind of vulnerability, especially with someone he didn’t know. A tender hand stroked the side of his face, and he leaned into it. The unexpected affection was so foreign to him, his chest tightened with the feeling. Then he imagined the look on his new friend’s face if they tried to have a conversation, and the tightness went away. It was a rough and tumble fuck—nothing more.

  Watching Nick’s face as best he could from between the boy’s legs, Spencer held up that pretty cock and licked lower. He sucked one of the well-groomed balls into his mouth and traced the sensitive, bumpy skin with his tongue. Nick drove his head back into the pillow, and while Spencer couldn’t see his mouth, he assumed nothing intelligible was being said anyway. The smell of sweat and musk and some kind of scented soap filled his nostrils as he buried his face deeper between Nick’s legs and licked the crevasse between hip and thigh. The hand on his head became more insistent, so Spencer dragged his pointed tongue from base to tip before swallowing the impressive dick. He tried not to gag as the head slid to the back of his throat with a jerk of Nick’s hips.

  He pulled back and used a hand to stroke the inches not between his lips, almost kissing his hand with each bob of his head. A slick twist of his hand over the head had Nick writhing. God, it was hot. Looking up again, he still didn’t see any discernible speech, so he relinquished the dick from his mouth and grabbed the condom and lube. Holding them up, he waited for something, a “yes,” a nod, something to tell him to continue.

  Thankfully, he got both.

  “God yeah, man. Fuck me,” Nick said with an almost violent nod. Apparently, he was too far gone into a blissful haze to notice that Spencer still hadn’t spoken.

  While he knelt up and opened the condom, Nick tried to roll over onto his stomach, but Spencer stopped him with a hand on his chest. He had to be able to see the guy’s face in case he wanted to stop. Spencer had only facial expressions and mouthed words to guide him. His partner didn’t fight it, but merely pulled his knees up to his chest so that Spencer could lube up his ass. No muss, no fuss.

  As he pressed the blunt tip of his cock against the tiny opening, he watched Nick’s face for some indication that he’d changed his mind. When none came, Spencer pushed forward and felt the muscle give as he buried himself in Nick’s body. The groan seemed to start at his feet and drive its way up and out between his gritted teeth. Hot and tight, Nick felt so fucking good around his cock. Slowly, he moved forward until his thighs met the boy’s skin. The kid trembled beneath him with need and want, and Spencer didn
’t have to hear him to know what he needed.

  Nick slammed his eyes shut as his back arched and forced Spencer’s cock to keep contact with his prostate as he thrust deep. Spencer reached up and grabbed one of the pillows. Shoving it under Nick’s head so that it raised a few inches, he leaned down and kissed the boy hard. When Nick dropped his legs around Spencer’s waist, the encounter took on a level of intimacy that Spencer wasn’t used to, but he clung to it nonetheless.

  He rocked his hips and made sure to keep the angle of his thrusts consistent to nail Nick’s sweet spot as his lover reached down to stroke himself. A fine sheen of sweat broke out over Nick’s body, and the sweet smell of it filled Spencer’s senses. He loved watching the lines of the boy’s throat when he threw his head back in pleasured abandon. The hand on his bicep squeezed, and the body beneath him trembled as they raced toward that glorious orgasm that crested just ahead of them both.

  “Clothes…,” Nick said, and it took Spencer a minute in his lust-filled haze to realize that he’d said “close.” He drove his hands under Nick’s shoulders, grabbed them tightly, and thrust harder into the pliant, willing boy. Spencer gave up on watching for more words and buried his face into Nick’s sweaty neck.

  A rumbling cry vibrated against his shoulder just as Nick shuddered beneath him and a warm slickness pumped onto his stomach. That’s it, baby. He thrust once, twice, and again as he tried to wring the pleasure from his partner, a boy he would probably never see again after their brief encounter. A tingling, electric feeling pulsed in his balls, and he drove harder into Nick, so close… so fucking close. His growling moan took him by surprise as his cock erupted into the condom, deep inside the boy. Deep. Hot. Tight. Fuck.